


You Make Me Feel

by cassbutt_67



Series: To Speak the Language of Flowers [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel & Sam Winchester Friendship, Comfort, Cuddling, Cute, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Fluff, Holidays, Language of Flowers, M/M, San Francisco, Sweet, Thanksgiving, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 12:53:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8144768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassbutt_67/pseuds/cassbutt_67
Summary: After a stressful time at his parents' house, Castiel brings Dean to the city, ending their holiday on a good note. While trying to ignore his growing feelings for Dean, Castiel goes with him to San Francisco for Christmas Eve. Things seem incredibly perfect and the night takes a rather unexpected, but pleasant turn. But Cas can only ignore these feelings for so long.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hollllyyy hell this is late.  
> I'm sorry...but the start of term was crazier than I can even begin to describe. It has involved me moving houses 6 times in 3 weeks, getting caught in torrential rain with a laptop in my backpack--which got drenched and I almost lost all the data for my thesis (causing a near friggin heart attack), oh also I broke my finger with a framing hammer helping my friend build her house. Plus I've been back to writing my short fiction which is necessary for class.
> 
> Anyway...I hope this was worth the wait and I will try to update again soon. Please comment and leave some feedback! Thank you everyone, you're the best.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural

“I think it could have been worse.”

“I mean, probably. But it wasn’t great.”

Castiel sighed, resting his head on Dean’s shoulder. “Agreed. I’m just glad it’s over.”

The three-hour train ride to the city had just begun, the two having said their goodbyes to the Novaks that morning. After they’d burned the box, they’d gone to bed and woke late to a big breakfast Chuck had made. It had been nice to see his parents and his brothers for a while, but he could only handle so much holiday stress.

Castiel watched as Dean’s eyes flitted across the blindingly white landscapes as they flew past the window.

“I can’t believe the amount of snow here,” he said without taking his eyes away from the window.

“I told you,” replied Cas. “But it’ll be really beautiful in the city.”

“Yeah, and  _ cold _ ,” he grumbled. Castiel merely sighed and kissed his temple.

Castiel dozed on and off over the next several hours until they arrived at Penn Station that afternoon. They lumbered off the train with their bags and headed for the nearest bench.

“Where to?” asked Dean.

Castiel smirked. “Just wait and see.”

Dean followed him onto a bus and they rode for about twenty minutes before stepping off at 110th and Broadway, Cas leading Dean by the hand as they crossed the street.

“Alright,” he laughed.

“Now you can have the  _ best  _ New York bagels,” said Cas. They made their way past clusters of people crunching over the salted asphalt and swung open the door beneath the pleasant red-and-white striped awning of Absolute Bagels. Choosing a table near the window, Dean inhaled deeply and practically moan at the scent.

“This place smells  _ amazing, _ ” he said. 

Castiel let out a small laugh. “Wait’ll you taste them.”

Dean followed him to the counter where they ordered their sandwiches; he chose to get his favourite everything bagel with garlic and chive cream cheese, tomato, lettuce, and cucumber. Dean opted for an onion bagel with lox, bacon and cheddar cream cheese, lettuce, and tomato, though he remained at the counter observing the vast varieties and  quantities of cream cheese in the display case. 

“Ready?” asked Cas once they’d sat down with their food.

Dean nodded. “I’m stoked.”

Based on the sounds Dean made, the sandwich did not disappoint. “Perfect,” he said. 

Next on Cas’ list of sights for Dean to see was Central Park, and one place in specific. After finishing their food and chatting a bit, they opted to walk rather than ride the bus, per Dean’s request. Upon coming to the gates, Dean asked, “Central Park?” 

Cas nodded. “Yes, come on.” He took his hand, leading him through the park and past the Pond.

“No way.” There was a definite smile in Dean’s voice this time.

“Yes way. Let’s go!”

Wollman Rink brought back wonderful memories for Cas; he’d go with his brothers every year to skate amidst the crowd of people bundled tightly against the brisk wind. He hadn’t returned to the rink in many years, and simply standing there amidst the contented faces put a smile on his face.

Castiel took Dean’s hand after they’d tightly laced their skates and made for the ice. At first, Dean nearly fell flat on his face, and he would have taken Cas with him had the other man not been expecting Dean to stumble.

“I almost broke my neck and you’re  _ laughing? _ ” Dean cried.

“I caught you didn’t I?” laughed Cas. “Now come on, try again. Stop being so stiff, loosen up a little,” he instructed. “Push off the skates like this.” 

Eventually Dean started to get the hang of it, and once he did, he appeared to be having a blast. They skated for hours, until the lights shone brightly against the darkening sky in the buildings behind the park and they decided to sit for a while. Strolling out of the park, Castiel noticed Dean shivering.

“Let’s get hot chocolate,” he suggested.

“No coffee?” asked Dean.

“No,” Castiel shook his head. “You need to try to sleep tonight, it’s too late for coffee.”

Dean huffed a little, bending his head as if trying to shake the thought of having to fly again the next day. 

“Besides,” Cas continued, “I know a place with the  _ best  _ hot chocolate in New York.”

This time, they took the bus to 5th Avenue and walked a short ways to the L.A. Burdick. Dean’s reaction upon entering was similar to that of his reaction to Absolute Bagels.

“I think I’m salivating,” he said. “I could eat everything in this place.” He was obviously grateful for the warmth of the place, rubbing his hands together as he dug them out of his pockets.

“You have to try the hot chocolate,” said Cas. “There’s milk, dark, or white hot chocolate. It’s pretty much melted chocolate in a cup.”

“Jesus.”

“I suggest the dark.”

“Too bitter,” Dean shook his head. “I’ll go with the milk. And a piece of that chocolate coconut cake, too.”

And so they ordered their hot chocolate and sat at a booth tucked in the corner, reveling in the sweet warmth of the beverage. 

“Seriously, dude,” said Dean, licking the chocolate from his upper lip. “This is to  _ die  _ for.”

“I know,” said Cas. “I’m glad you like it.”

It turned out to be the perfect way to end the day, and when they were finished, they took the next bus to the only affordable hostel Cas knew of in Queens to crash for the night.

“What time do we have to leave tomorrow?” Dean asked from the other side of the bed, sliding his shirt off his back.

“The flight leaves JFK at 11:00am. So we should be there by at least 9:00am, maybe catch the bus at 8:30 just to be safe?”

“Alright. Our bags are pretty much packed.”

They turned off the lights and climbed into bed. Dean sighed beside Cas.

“What’re you thinking about?” he asked, propping himself up on both elbows over Dean’s chest.

“Not dying tomorrow,” said Dean. He rested a hand on Castiel’s back and rubbed it slowly with his thumb. 

“We won’t die tomorrow, Dean.”

“Maybe it won’t be as bad this time.”

“Maybe not. But regardless, we should sleep.” He rolled onto his side and kissed Dean’s cheek before allowing himself to become the little spoon.

Incidentally, this time was _ not  _ better than the last and may, in fact, have been worse. The flight was delayed, so much so that the two would have missed their connecting flights in two cities. Much to Dean’s utter joy, this meant they were able to move onto a flight with no stopovers. His joy had quickly subsided however, when they experienced a decent bout of turbulence. Castiel thought the poor man would break his wrist with the grip he’d had on it. But after waiting for the sleeping pills to kick in and several hours of Dean snoring on his shoulder, Cas found himself shaking Dean awake.

On the BART train, Castiel could feel Dean’s heart pounding as he held his hand. “Dean, are you alright?” he asked.

“I’ll be fine,” he replied. “Just glad to be alive. And I can’t wait to get home and  _ sleep _ .”

The remainder of the trip passed in a blur and they soon found themselves trudging up the steps to Dean’s apartment building. He fumbled with the keys and stepped into the flat. Neither of them bothered unpacking anything but their sleeping clothes and after changing, immediately fell onto the bed. 

Castiel brought the blanket up over Dean before wrapping it around himself as Dean mumbled, “It’s not late.”

“That doesn’t matter,” said Cas, kissing Dean’s temple. “I’m concerned for you. You really need to sleep.”

He sighed and pulled Castiel close to him. “Fine,” he said. 

Within minutes, Dean’s light snores filled the room and Cas chuckled to himself. He smiled and closed his eyes, continuing to run his fingers up and down Dean’s back as he waited patiently for sleep to descend upon him as well.

 

***

 

Dean never saw the big deal about Christmas. Sure, he’d always made sure Sam had gifts and he made an effort to make it as traditional as he could for the kid but Dean himself never saw the draw. But now he found himself sat facing Cas, who was looking a little morose at his kitchen table.

“Cas, you’re bad at lying,” said Dean.

“I’m fine,” he replied, swirling his spoon in his coffee mug. “It’ll be fine.” He refused to look at him.

“Cas?” The other man looked up. “Please talk to me.”

He sighed. “My parents are going away for Christmas,” he said. “And Charlie will be visiting her family. And my brothers are apparently busy.”

“And you’re upset about that?”

“Dean, Christmas is my  _ favourite  _ holiday. I hate being alone on Christmas.”

Seriously? When was he going to get it through his head? “Castiel,” he chuckled and took his hand. “You’re not going to be alone. You know that right?”

“I only assumed you’d be spending the holiday with your family.”

“And…?”

Cas smiled. “You’re thinking the same thing I told you about Thanksgiving?”

Dean kissed his hand. “Yes. You are part of my family, and I want you to have dinner with us. It’ll be great, I promise.”

This seemed to cheer him up a great deal as he finished his cereal and sipped his coffee. 

“You know what we should do? We should go to San Francisco to see the big tree,” said Dean.

“What big tree?”

Dean stared at him, sitting across from him at the table. “You’re kidding, right?”

“No,” Cas shook his head. 

“Damn, Cas how long have you lived here? And you’ve never seen the tree in Union Square?”

Castiel drained the milk from his bowl and said, “I’ve never been to San Francisco.”

That was it. “I’m disappointed, Cas,” he teased. “We’re taking a day to go to San Francisco.”

Cas was silent for a moment. “When?”

“Next weekend.”

“But I have to work overtime at Harvelle’s next weekend because Jo’s going away to visit her new boyfriend.”

“Fine, then the weekend after that,” said Dean.

“But Dean, the weekend after that is  _ Christmas _ .”

“Is that a problem?” he asked. “Christmas is on a Sunday,” he pointed out. “So we’ll go on Saturday.”

“Alright,” Cas said quietly. 

“Good, now come on.” He stood and placed a kiss in his messy hair. “You’re gonna be late for work.”

Castiel grabbed his wrist and tugged him down; evidently a kiss on the head was not good enough for him. Dean felt his tongue slide into his mouth and he nearly yelped when Cas bit down on his lower lip.

He pulled away, grinning smugly. “I’m sorry,” he said. “You’re right. I need to finish getting ready for work.”

Then he stood and went to the washroom to shower. Dean stood rooted to the spot, contemplating the new tightness in his jeans. Jesus this was becoming a little unbearable. He wanted so badly to take things further with Cas but hell if he knew how,  _ he  _ sure wasn’t going to be the one to initiate anything, that was for sure. He seriously needed to just suck it up and talk to him about it. But somehow it never seemed to be the right time.

***

“He’s taking you to San Francisco?” said Ellen as they ate their lunch. 

Castiel nodded. “I’m excited to see the tree.”

“I’ll bet.” She took a bite of her sandwich and added, “You guys are pretty serious, huh?”

He smiled. “Well…”

“I see it,” she smirked. “You guys are fantastic together.”

Cas said nothing, but poked his salad with his fork.

“What is it?” asked Ellen. “Is it not going so well?”

“Oh no! No, it’s amazing,” he said. “It’s just… I’m afraid that, well I’m afraid that we  _ are  _ serious.”

Ellen chuckled. “And? Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Yes but…”

“Kid, if you’re thinking about what happened last time, it’s not the same,” she said in earnest. “You know that.” 

He glanced up at her. “I know. But I just, I don’t think I’ve felt this strongly for someone before.”

She sat back in her chair. “You love him.”

Castiel felt his face flush. “That’s a strong word, Ellen.”

“It’s a strong feeling, too.”

She stood to wash her plate in the sink, patting him on the shoulder. 

Cas returned to the front desk shortly after, trying to push Ellen’s words from his mind. 

***

The following week while working at the register, Castiel was surprised to see Sam approach the counter.

“Hey, Cas!” he said. Castiel stepped out from behind the counter to give him a quick hug. They hadn’t seen each other in months, though since the Halloween party they’d been in contact regularly. Castiel was glad he was able to be friends with his boyfriend’s brother, especially considering how close they were.

“Hello Sam, how are you?”

“Doing pretty great,” he replied, putting his hands in his pockets. 

“What brings you here?”

“I actually came to talk to Dean, thought I’d get a coffee.”

“Is it about Jess?” Cas asked. He still hadn’t told him brother about his plan to propose to Jess.

“Yeah, it is. I think I’m going to propose on Christmas Eve.”

Castiel wrinkled his nose. “You’re too sappy.”

“Oh please, like you’re one to talk.”

“I know, I know,” laughed Cas. “He’ll be excited for you anyway. What can I get for you?”

“Just a medium coffee, cream no sugar.”

He took a cup from behind the counter and filled it at the machine behind the counter. “So Dean says you’re applying to Stanford for a PhD program?”

Sam nodded excitedly. “Yeah! Everything’s all set to apply, I really hope I get into the program. It’d sure be a move though.”

“Stanford is only an hour away,” he said, placing the cup in front of Sam and ringing in the register.

“Still, it’s the farthest I’ve ever lived from my family,” replied Sam, handing the bills to Cas. “You know, Dean, Ellen, Jo, Bobby. You. It’ll be weird.”

“It’ll be great. Plus I hear Stanford is a nice place to live.”

“Yeah, I know it will. I’ve just got to get in first.”

“I’ve also been thinking,” he hesitated, wondering whether or not now would be a good time to voice this thought. “I’ve been thinking I want to get my master’s.”

Sam’s face lit up. “Cas, that’s awesome! When did you decide to do that?”

He shrugged. “I haven’t officially decided yet, I guess. I have no clue how I’d pay for it, but I think I want to teach. And I can’t really do that without a master’s degree.”

“You could definitely teach kids with just a bachelor’s,” Sam pointed out. 

“Do you honestly see  _ me  _ teaching children?”

Sam laughed. “Yeah, why not?”

“I don’t know about that, Sam. I got a teaching certificate in undergrad but--”

“Shit, you already have one? Why not go for it? You could teach biology or something at the high school. Do you even want to go back for a master’s?”

Castiel bit the inside of his cheek. He hadn’t really given his teacher’s certificate much thought, as silly as that sounded. It just made sense to get one, to have something to fall back on. All he’d done was take the proper courses and applied to get the certificate, and student teaching had been a breeze for the person he used to be. But after his breakdown and consequential increase in anxiety, he’d always assumed he’d never be able to handle teaching children. But perhaps Sam had a point. 

“No, not really,” he said honestly. “I’d rather never go through that hell again. I practically killed myself in undergrad trying to make perfect marks.”

Sam shrugged his shoulders. “Hey, just throwing it out there.”

He was suddenly aware of a rather agitated looking woman standing behind Sam as she, rather conspicuously, cleared her throat.

Sam stepped out of the way and said, “I’ll see you around, Cas. Give the teaching a thought? Might not be such a bad idea to drop an application somewhere. I’ll talk to you later, alright?”

“Alright, goodbye Sam, it was nice to see you.”

He turned toward the woman, who now had a small child clinging to her leg as she leaned on the counter to place her order. 

Maybe finding a school with a job opening wouldn’t be all that crazy after all.

***   
_ “He’s actually going to do it!” _

Dean’s voice came loudly over the speaker and Cas held it away from his ear momentarily. 

“I know,” he laughed. 

_ “I can’t believe he didn’t tell me sooner, the bitch. I called him out on it, too. But holy shit, I can’t believe he’s asking her to marry him.” _

“It is exciting, I know.”

Castiel was standing in his apartment, changing his clothes and packing his bag before heading over to Dean’s. He’d just gotten off work at the coffee shop and he’d been unable to shake the feeling that Sam had been right about teaching. That whole night he pondered the thought and it had even plagued his dreams until the next morning. Now it was nearing 7:30pm and he felt he should tell Dean what he’d been thinking, but the man was so thrilled for his brother that he didn’t have the heart to change the subject.

_ “She’s going to say yes, I just it. Maybe I’ll even be an uncle some day.” _

He chuckled. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

Dean sighed on the other line as Cas crossed his room to grab a shirt from the dresser. _ “I dunno, man. I guess I just see how happy he is. And she’s been so good for him, you know? Maybe this won’t end badly.” _

“I’m very glad you see it that way.”

_ “Yeah. When are you coming home?” _

Cas’ heart skipped several beats at the use of the word ‘home’, but he tried to ignore it. “I’ll be at your flat soon,” he said. “Just grabbing a few things here.”

_ “Alright, well I’ll see you soon then.” _

“Okay, goodbye, Dean.”

_ “Bye, Cas.” _

Home. What was ‘home’ anyway? They didn’t live together. Their ‘home’ was not the same. But then, didn’t he feel most at home when he was with Dean? Regardless of place? That was a corny thought, but he had to admit it was true. At some point, as his therapist liked to point out, he knew he’d have to face these feelings he had raging inside him. But for now, he was just looking forward to the trip to San Francisco they’d have in just a week’s time.

***

“Are these songs really necessary?” Dean visibly cringed as Cas pushed the cassette tape into the dock of the Impala. 

“Of course they are, Dean,” Cas said, furrowing his brow. “You have something against Christmas music?”

He shook his head, turning around the block. “No, but it’s just, I dunno it’s a little much isn’t it?”

“Dean, it’s Christmas Eve.”

“Fine, fine you’re right.”

Castiel sat back in the seat, satisfied with himself as he rolled down the window to allow the sea breeze to enter the car as jingling tunes spilled out into the streets. He rarely got far enough out of the city to smell the ocean, which was absurd, he thought, considering its proximity to his flat. He decided then that he and Dean should make more of an effort to visit a beach every now and again. 

“Where will we go in San Francisco?”

“Well there’s plenty to do there, we won’t get to do much unfortunately. But we’ll end off with Union Square so you can see the tree. That’s all I’ve got planned, you decide the rest.”

Cas thought for a moment. “It’s a big city, what are the best parts?”

This made Dean laugh. “I think that’s a matter of opinion.”

“I want to go to the Castro.”

“Of course,” Dean nodded.

“And I hear Pier 39 is nice.”

“It’s really touristy but sure, we can go there.”

“And the Haight?”

“Absolutely. There’s this great Mexican place right on Haight Street actually, we should grab some lunch there.”

Pleased with this plan, Castiel rested his arm out the window and smiled as they sped across the highway.

After Dean rambled on about something called the Winchester Mystery House, Castiel insisted they stop in San Jose to see it. 

“This is very odd,” Cas commented as he read over one of the brochures. 

“Yeah it’s crazy inside,” said Dean. “John actually took us here when we were kids.”

“How is he doing?” asked Cas.

He knew the two, along with Sam, had been communicating almost regularly every other week, but Dean rarely spoke about it.

“He’s fine I guess,” he shrugged. “Nothing too interesting. Or terrible.”

“That’s good.” 

Dean cleared his throat. “We should get going. There’s a lot to look at in the city.”

Castiel nodded and they went back to the car. He wasn’t sure if he had made a mistake in asking about Dean’s father, considering the quiet nature of the last fifty minutes of the drive. But once they arrived near the outskirts of the city, Dean smiled.

“Welcome to San Francisco,” he said.

Cas craned his neck out the window, looking around as they passed into the more populated parts of the city. 

“Where to first?” asked Dean.

“Castro,” smirked Cas.

San Francisco was everything he’d imagined it would be. He couldn’t believe the level of comfort he felt simply from being around so many people like himself. Though there were of course a plethora of people everywhere they went, the energy was calm somehow, and it was contagious. They spent hours on Castro looking in the shops, visiting the GLBT History Museum and Harvey Milk’s old apartment building, and went to the Muni station at Harvey Milk Plaza to catch a bus to the Financial District. 

Outside Pier 39 was a large tree decorated with bright red and green baubles, a string of lights twisted around to the top.

“This tree is nice,” Cas commented as they walked toward the dock with the sea lions.

Dean shook his head. “Nah, wait’ll you see the one in Union Square tonight.”

“You know Dean, there’s a rather impressive Christmas tree in New York every year. I have seen big city trees lit up.”

“Yeah but this is a different city,” he explained. “Just wait. I bet it’s a totally different feel.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

They took their time making their way down the different piers before going back to Embarcadero Station. 

The day was going much too quickly, Castiel thought as they finally stopped at Haight Street. It was suddenly already past lunchtime and he was rather hungry.

“Let’s stop at Street Taco,” said Dean as they stepped away from the station.

“Alright,” agreed Cas.

The place was quite small, but the aromas drifting from the back were definitely mouth-watering and he had a difficult time deciding what to eat. 

Once they’d gotten their food they took it to the booth by the front window and took their time eating, savouring each bite.

“This is really good,” said Cas, taking another bite of his burrito.

“I know,” Dean nodded. “Where are we going next?”

“Let’s look in shops here and go to the Mission.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

After wandering through stores in the Haight, they wandered aimlessly for a while, just talking and enjoying each other’s company. It occurred to Cas then that they needed to visit Golden Gate Park and the Marin Headlands. Before driving out to Sausalito, they hiked through the park and Dean exclaimed that they needed to visit the Botanical Gardens. 

By the time they decided they should eat dinner, Castiel was thoroughly tired out. 

“Can we get ice cream in Ghirardelli Square?” he asked, resting his head on Dean’s shoulder. They opted to take the cable car into the square, because Cas had never ridden one before. 

“Sure thing.” He bent over and kissed Cas’ temple.

The ice cream was pretty good, though not the best he’d ever had. What made it wonderful was Dean’s company. 

“We should head over to Union Square,” Dean said once they’d finished their ice cream. The sun had nearly disappeared and the big “Ghirardelli” sign lit up along with the numerous street lights. 

“Okay,” Castiel yawned.

“Hey, no falling asleep!” said Dean, taking his arm. “This is going to be the best part!”

He napped briefly on their trip to Union Square and a broad grin made its way onto his face when they emerged from the train at Powell Street Station. A man stood near the exit playing Christmas songs on his saxophone, case open in front of him. The man had perfect intonation and the notes rang wonderfully throughout the station, echoing brilliantly off the walls.

Castiel tossed a few bills into the man’s case and he and Dean climbed the stairs up toward the street.

“I’m excited for this,” he said, not bothering to conceal his smile. 

Dean took his hand. “Good.”

Powell Street was lined with small deciduous trees covered in blue and white Christmas lights, and it was a beautiful sight. But nothing could have prepared him for the largest Christmas tree he’d ever seen.

His jaw dropped unconsciously as they made their way over toward the tree glistening with yellow lights. 

“Wow,” he said finally once they’d stopped in front of it.

“Exactly,” said Dean, beaming at him.

Cas pulled his eyes away from the sight to look at Dean and said, “I love it. I’m so happy you brought me here, thank you.”

They embraced tightly and Dean buried his nose into Cas’ neck. “I’m really glad you like it,” he said. Cas really couldn’t help but notice the growing warmth in his chest, spreading a contentedness throughout his body as they stood there quietly admiring the tree. They remained there for a while before Castiel failed to stifle another yawn and Dean said. “Let’s go home.”

He nodded and they began heading back to the Impala.

Once on the road, Cas’ eyelids drooped and he scooted closer to Dean on the leather seat, propping his head against his shoulder. It wasn’t even late, but he felt as though he’d run a marathon. Perhaps it was all the crowds and social interactions, he thought.

Even when they pulled up to Castiel’s apartment building he realised the warm feeling in his chest hadn’t lessened any. 

He took hold of Dean’s hand as they went up the steps and into his flat. Once inside, Cas pushed Dean against the door and kissed him slowly. Dean raised a hand to his face and stroked his cheekbone with his thumb. He suddenly felt he couldn’t get enough of him though, and Castiel began kissing down Dean’s jaw, to his neck and sucked the skin above his collarbone, subtly working at the buttons of the other man’s flannel.

“I don’t understand how you wear these all the time,” said Cas between kisses. “It’s hot as hell out and you’ve got a fucking flannel shirt on.”

“It’s not a warm one,” said Dean, laughing a little. Castiel kissed his mouth again before he could speak anymore, and began tugging the shirt away, snaking his hands up the t-shirt beneath it.

“Cas,” squeaked Dean as Cas wedged his leg between Dean’s.

“Hm?”

“What are you doing?” he gulped.

Cas stopped centimeters from his face and looked at his eyes. “I’d like to take your clothes off, if that’s okay with you.”

Dean bit his lip. “Yeah, that’s okay with me. But do you want this?” he glanced at the floor, blushing. “I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

Cas gently turned his face back toward his. “Dean, I want this.” He leaned in close and began kissing a spot behind his ear, whispering, “I want to fuck you.”

Castiel felt the man shiver at the words.

“Okay,” he said softly.

Cas ran his hands under the shirt again, this time lifting it over Dean’s head and pulling him backwards through the living room. Dean’s hands tugged at his own shirt as they stumbled into Cas’ bedroom. He grunted in frustration at the growing tightness in his pants and Cas suddenly backed him up to the edge of the bed, causing him to fall backward as his knees buckled. 

He smirked as Dean moaned loudly under the trail of kisses he left down his body, pausing to focus on each nipple before venturing down his belly. 

“ _ Cas _ ,” he growled urgently once Castiel began slowly undoing his belt.

Castiel smiled and unzipped Dean’s jeans, pulling them swiftly away from his body along with his boxers. He then leaned down to kiss his mouth again and Dean’s finger snagged one of his belt loops, forcing him downward. He gasped at the sudden friction against his own jeans and suddenly wished desperately they were gone. Dean’s hands made light work of removing them, though, and soon he the both of them naked, grinding downward. He groaned into the movement, willing himself not to let go too soon. 

“Please,” Dean breathed.

Castiel wasted no time, as he felt he wouldn’t last long. Christ, when had their sexual tension become this bad? He didn’t have long to linger on the thought as he busied himself rummaging through his nightstand to find his lube and poured the liquid over his fingers, hovering over Dean’s panting form. Dean clung to him as he prepared him, and a realisation came to his mind: he  _ wanted  _ to do this. He wasn’t doing this because his partner wanted it. Or because it seemed like the right thing to do. He  _ wanted  _ to do this. With Dean. 

The next thing he knew, Dean was breathing his name,clutching his arms as  Cas rocked back and forth into him. 

“Dean,” Castiel replied. He bent down and placed a sloppy kiss  on Dean’s mouth. “You are so beautiful,” he breathed. 

Dean moaned and Cas’ thrusts intensified and suddenly, Cas felt the heat rising in his body and he groaned Dean’s name over and over. 

“Dean,” he gasped. “You- you make me  _ feel _ .”

They were both gone by the time the words left his mouth, shouting in unison at the pleasure. He collapsed beside Dean, trying to regulate his breathing while waiting for the stars to clear from his vision. He flung an arm across the other man’s chest, laying his head beneath Dean’s.

“Cas,” said Dean after a while, his chest rising and falling steadily now. He was slowly running his hand up and down Cas’ back.

“Hm?” Castiel had his eyes closed, feeling overwhelming contentment and a sleepiness coming over him.

“I love you.”

He froze, eyes opening quickly as his heart rate increased rapidly. Pulling away enough to look Dean in the eye, he said, “What?”

Dean didn’t hesitate in the least. “I love you, Cas.”

“But…” Cas started, “how do you know?”

He expected Dean to be offended, to be upset and question why he wouldn’t simply say it back. But instead, he smiled fondly and said, “I just know. And I thought I should tell you.”

“Oh,” Cas replied. He felt a sinking in his chest. He couldn’t possibly say it. How could he know for sure? 

“Cas, what’s wrong?” frowned Dean. 

“I don’t understand why you love me. I don’t know how you  _ know  _ that’s what the feeling is.”

Dean took his face in his hands and kissed him softly. “One day you will. Until then, don’t stress about it. Okay?”

Castiel looked him in the eye and nodded, reassured and a little overwhelmed by the affection in Dean’s eyes. “Okay Dean. Just know how much I care about you.”

“I know, sweetheart, don’t worry.”

He tried not to. He tried to let it go. But of course, he couldn’t. Of course he loved Dean, what else would that feeling be? But how could he say such a thing? What if he screwed it all up? Instead of focusing on these thoughts, he reminded himself that Dean had taken his lack of reciprocal love declaration very well. He must be a keeper if he didn’t immediately flee the situation. And, most importantly, he focused on Dean’s words. Not only had he  _ said  _ the words, but Castiel actually  _ believed  _ him. He loved him. And soon he would have to come to terms with the fact that he felt the same.

**Author's Note:**

> Never fear! I'm writing the next portion as we speak. I really hope you liked this one, it was a lot of fun to write. I'd love to hear what you thought :) also as usual it's not proofread so corrections are welcome. Have a lovely day everybody~


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